ISIS Surrenders After Remarks From Katy Perry (Satire)

RAQQA, SYRIA- Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State, released a statement yesterday confirming that ISIS would be immediately surrendering its fight to establish a powerful caliphate after viewing an interview in which pop singer Katy Perry said, “The greatest thing we can do just unite and love on each other and like, no barriers, no borders, like, we all just need to coexist.” The powerful statement, which single-handedly dismantled ISIS, came shortly after a terrorist attack on civilians in Manchester killed twenty two people, and lead the reclusive head of ISIS to hold an emergency press conference declaring the group’s jihad finished. “Despite my previous belief that we must destroy the infidel in the name of Allah, until Islam rules the world, I just can’t deny that Perry’s words have touched my heart,” al-Baghdadi had said as he symbolically tossed an AK-47 onto the ground. “It is time for the jihadists to start uniting and loving on people. I just can’t believe we didn’t see it before, it’s all so clear now,” he added. After the video started to go viral in ISIS cave networks and strongholds, thousands of terrorists poured into the streets of Raqqa, giving one another spontaneous group hugs, destroying their weapons, and planting trees and flowers to begin rebuilding the Middle East into an utopian wonderland. 

According to reports, al-Baghdadi further confirmed that a recent advertisement, in which Kendall Jenner offered a group of riot policemen a Pepsi, was also influential in his decision to immediately cease their murderous reign of terror and to lead ISIS to a path of peace.

Disclaimer: The above story is satire. It is completely fictitious.

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Crimes Against Humanity

It falls to America, to us to stop war crimes and atrocities all over the world. Other countries will not do that including great powers like China and Russia. So is left to we the people and our elected representatives to decide who were going to save. 

It’s a gut wrenching decision as millions of people have been murdered all over the world by sick tyrants. President Trump’s missile attack on Syria has sent a new message to the world that the USA is going to hold war criminals accountable at least to some extent. The previous president, Barack Obama would not do that. Instead, use negotiations which often failed.

 

“We’ve eliminated Syria’s declared chemical weapons program. All of these steps have helped to keep us safe and help keep our troops safe. Those of the results of diplomacy. And sustain diplomatic efforts no matter how frustrating or difficult they sometimes appear are going to be required to resolve the conflicts whirling in the Middle East from Yemen to Syria to Israel and Palestine.”- PRESIDENT OBAMA

And now we know the negotiations were phony. Not on the United States as part, but Syria did not eliminate its chemical weapons program. Casting grave doubt on whether Iran will obey the nuke deal President Obama made. It is beyond a reasonable doubt that the Syrian Dictator Assad is a war criminal. He is. But there are many other countries around the world in the same awful category. 

According to Human Rights Watch, the North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-un allows the following. A systematic widespread and gross human rights violations including murder, enslavement, torture, imprisonment, rape, forced abortion on and on and on. Roughly eighteen million people in North Korea do not get enough food according to a U.N. report released last month. But that’s not enough to attack the country. 

There is some sense of responsibility on the part of the North Korean people themselves. Sometimes, you have to fight for your life and rights. The United States cannot declare war on North Korea despite the atrocities. But if the loony dictator continues to violate international weapons laws, targeted military action can be taken with justification. And then there’s ISIS, which routinely rapes and kidnaps women, sells them into slavery, executes homosexuals, slaughters Christians and basically kills and maims at will. 

ISIS is currently under attack by a coalition of nations headed by you guessed it, us. And there’s no excuse for not wiping ISIS off the face of the earth. A lesser group Boko Haram based in Nigeria, Africa kills children. Reuters is now reporting that group may have murdered 15,000 people over the years. It’s a Muslim extremist group. It uses female and child suicide bombers, at least forty four children were killed in suicide attacks in 2015 alone. The world has not yet united against Boko Haram. But it should. 

So, you can see that President Trump, the leader of the free world has his hands full. For eight years, President Obama expressed indignation over crimes against humanity and he did attacked evildoers with drones. But the problem is getting worse worldwide. And now it’s up to President Trump to see if he can control it.

Donald Trump as the Commander-In-Chief 

The president’s job approval numbers are likely to go up because he took strong action against Syria after the tyrant Assad gassed his own people.

There are also a number of developments on the military front. U.S. warships are heading toward the Korean Peninsula because the nutty dictator of that country continues to test ballistic missiles in violation of international law. Also the two U.S. warships in the eastern Mediterranean continue to monitor Syria. There’s also an aircraft carrier in the Persian Gulf, the George H.W. Bush. 

So you can see that President Trump and the Pentagon are sending signals that if world order is threatened, America will respond. It’s just a damn shame that we are the only country willing to take this stand. 

There is no reason for Russia to prop up Assad in Syria, the man is a war criminal. Also, China does not try to control the North Korea situation when it absolutely could. Staunch allies like Britain, Australia, Canada and France do help us out, but it’s on a limited basis. Unfortunately policing the world falls to America, with all the danger and expense that entails. President Trump would be wise to pick his spots. The attack on Syria worked and was approved by most in the world who care about protecting innocent people. 

Yes, Russia and Iran are now threatening the USA, but so what? Those countries have thrown in with the devil, and we cannot back away from their bluster. 

However, a confrontation with Russia is not what anybody needs, so President Trump would be wise to talk to Putin quietly and try to get the guy to wise up by helping his economy. Iran is truly a hopeless situation, but the mullahs do not want to commit suicide. How the nuke treaty will eventually play out is one of the great world mysteries. 

It is likely that North Korea will be the next problem we have to deal with. If they test a nuclear device again in violation of international law, something must be done. 

Can Donald Trump convince the Chinese to partner up with us against North Korea? That would end the problem and be good for world order and business. Again, it is a mystery why the Chinese will not exert their strength and influence on North Korea. 

Summing up, President Trump gained a measure of respect for his actions against Syria, the U.S. military is gearing up, but caution is the word.

The US Attacks Syria 

Two nights ago, around eight o’clock (standard central time), sixty missiles were launched from American war ships in the eastern Mediterranean. Fifty-nine missiles hit their targets. The goal was to destroy an air base from which Syrian planes recently dropped sarin gas on civilians, killing thirty children and twenty women according to the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights. According to reporting based on a variety of agencies, this is the fifth time, at least, the Syrian dictator Assad has violated the Geneva Conventions and used poison gas to kill civilian.

Back in 2012 President Barack Obama threatened Assad.

“The use of chemical weapons is and would be totally unacceptable. And if you make the tragic mistake of using these weapons, there will be consequences, and you will be held accountable.”- PRESIDENT OBAMA

But Assad was not held accountable. Instead the Obama administration did what it always did, talked. And announced a deal with the dictator. A fascinating footnote is that Susan Rice was on point alongside John Kerry:

“We were able to find a solution that actually removed the chemical weapons that were known from Syria in a way that the use of force would never have accomplished.”- SUSAN RICE

“With respect to Syria, we struck a deal where we got 100% of the chemical weapons out.”- JOHN KERRY 

Obviously, a false belief. For years Assad has been protected by the Russians, who were warned the attack was coming last night so they could move their personnel out of the air field.

“Russia should be embarrassed and ashamed. They are saying there were no nerve agents or chemical weapons left. We know that for the better part of this year, Assad has been using chlorine bombs against innocent civilians and population centers, and now yesterday, a couple days ago a nerve agent, sarin. So the Russians have been covering for Assad and if it were not for the Russians, Assad would not still be in power.”- SEN. MARCO RUBIO (R-FL)

That’s true. Putin continues to prop up Assad while thousands of people die and at least five million Syrians are refugees. Most sane people support the missile attack last night. Sane is the key word here.

“It doesn’t make any sense for Assad under these conditions to all of a sudden use poison gasses. I think there is a zero chance he would have done this deliberately.”- FMR. REP. RON PAUL (R-TX)

The former congressman apparently believing Assad was set up by somebody. Now the morality of the attack is certainly acceptable. When you have war crimes being openly committed, a noble nation will confront that. Unfortunately, noble nations are in short supply these days, the USA being an exception.

Also America’s national security is in play because poison gas can be used by terrorists. Assad has a close relationship with Iran and Hezbollah. Once chemical weapons become acceptable, the world becomes an unstable place. Assad’s air force should have been destroyed a long time ago and NATO should have established safe zones inside Syria to protect the innocent. Under President Obama none of that was remotely possible because of his strategy of retreat. But now the new President Donald Trump is sending a message to the world: The US will not tolerate war crimes from nations like Syria.

The downside is for every action, there is a reaction. So security is heightened here in the USA, as we become an even bigger target for evil-doers.

Summing up, America was justified in destroying the Syrian airport, rogue nations should be dealt with by the world but if they are not, the lone superpower has a responsibility. Even most of the Trump-haters in Congress agree that if we can stop children from being gassed to death, we should do so.