Man Who Identifies as 6-year-old Dominates CrossFit Kids Class (Satire)

Local CrossFit enthusiast Anthony Neff walked out of his local CrossFit affiliate with a smile on his face after his 4pm class on Tuesday. He had just dominated another workout, not only setting a personal record in the snatch, but besting the next strongest athlete in the class by over 185 pounds.

Neff, who works as a sales associate at Target, was born in 1983 but is currently transitioning to a birth year of 2011. He is the first transaged individual to participate in his gym’s CrossFit Kids program.

“I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for everyone who has been supporting my transition,” Neff told The Associated Press as he boosted a fellow athlete up to the gym’s water fountain to help him take a drink. “Science has come a long way in recognizing that age isn’t just a matter of how old you are. ”

Neff began to publicly identify as a six-year-old three years ago, but didn’t tell his wife Angela until months later.

“Anthony has always been a little immature, but I thought he would grow out of it,” She explained. But over time, Angela noticed her husband playing with toy trucks instead of going to work, watching hours of Octonauts, and laughing at the words like ‘poop’ and ‘booger.’

“This is who he is, and celebrating that is more important than pressing him to conform to reality.”

The change hasn’t been easy, but Neff says he’s been treated “well and kind” at his affiliate. “The coaches are all very supportive,” he said. His treatment has included increased growth hormones to match the levels found in the bodies of growing children.

“If he has been taking hormones, or steroids, he should be training and competing against actual children,” said Melissa Jones, mother of one of the other children in Neff’s CrossFit Kids class.

Jones is not alone in her concerns, but Neff’s coach, Travis Miller disagrees.

“I asked him if he thought the growth hormones were giving him an unfair advantage against the other children in the class,” Miller told the Associated Press. “He looked right at me and said he ‘didn’t identify’ as someone who was taking growth hormones. What kind of hateful bigot would question that logic?”

At time of press, Neff was consuming a bowl of Fruit Loops and looking forward to a CrossFit Kids session consisting of front-squats and a game of burpee dodgeball.

“All I know is when I get the ball everybody on the other side better watch out.”

Calm Down Democrats, The Holy Grail of a Trump Crime Remains Missing

What has really happened since Donald Trump Jr. released his email chain setting up a meeting last June with a Russian lawyer? Are Democrats and their allies in the media any closer to having their high crime or misdemeanor?

Answer: No.

As Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz stated on July 11,

“It is unlikely that attendance at the meeting violated any criminal statute.”

Well said, Mr. Dershowitz.

And yet, the media would have you believe that the meeting Trump Jr. described as “literally just a wasted twenty minutes” is a smoking gun that will inevitably take President Trump, his administration, and his entire family down forever.

In reality, Trump Jr.’s emails show he has nothing to hide.

Further to this point, Trump Jr. recently went on “Hannity” to speak specifically about his actions. Granted, Fox News host Sean Hannity is not always interested in giving a complete, unvarnished account of what happens in Trump World and his questions are softballs, but Trump Jr. made some important points nonetheless– namely, the fact that there was no subsequent follow-up contact with the Russian lawyer and “nothing to tell” then-candidate Trump. Therefore, unless you decide to believe he is lying, there was no “collusion.” The holy grail is still missing.

I don’t think Trump Jr. went on national television and told a bunch of lies. Undoubtedly, the president’s enemies will believe that they are justified in feeling otherwise. But Trump Jr. has little incentive to do anything but tell the truth at this point.

Even if we suppose there was a follow-up from the campaign with the Russian lawyer, it is hard to say that more conversations or meetings would have amounted to a crime. And yes, something can be wrong but not illegal. However, that is not the argument Democrats and their allies in the media want to make. They want this to crack the foundation of the Trump presidency. They want it to crumble.

Blinded by disdain for the president, liberals are the media are mostly trying to create credibility for accusations of criminal violations and impeachable offenses. They embellish everything just so that they can keep the story moving. Maybe they will get a break and someone will stumble into a crime during the investigation into the non-crimes from the fall campaign.

In their search for a nonexistent smoking gun, Trump’s opponents appear at least partially satisfied by the constant hounding of the White House and the president’s family.

In politics, being innocent is just an advantage. It is not determinative. And although the fact’s do not support the left’s pursuit of criminal wrongdoing on the part of the Trump family, Trump Jr. is sure to face a lot of harassment, and he may make more “mistakes.” But that is far from being in the crosshairs of an American law enforcement investigation that could bring down a president. Sorry to the Trump haters for being such a buzzkill.

If Trump Jr. is guilty of anything, it is letting someone so lacking credibility have unfettered access to his schedule. Danger. You usually see your enemies coming, but it is your friends who will blindside you and get you in trouble.

Anyway, Trump’s enemies are desperate for something impeachable. But remember, there is no such thing as the crime of collusion. It’s not even a misdemeanor. And unless the Russian lawyer provided an illegal contribution, stolen probably, etc., to the Trump campaign, there is no crime that will take this story where the media want it to go. But that doesn’t mean they will quit trying.

My Reaction to the “Smoking Gun” of Don Jr.’s Meeting

I don’t care. I honestly don’t care. The more alarmed the press becomes, the more I believe America is becoming exhausted. These stories are becoming so intense and so over-the-top. The press is so interested in re-litagating the past, instead of the future. We know as Americans, it is not about collusion, it is about settling the score. I would also think some conservatives and Republicans might do the same thing, because we’d be angry over an election, but at some point, you have to let it go. I could redefine “collusion” as collusion between media, academia, and the entertainment industry who have been trying to brainwash us for the decades over the dumbest ideologies. We’ve all been victims of “collusions” of our lives. The narrative here is that the Trump presidency is in disarray: that’s what we know because that’s what we the people elected. We are okay with disarray, we elected someone because they don’t have any experience in politics; therefore, President Trump is surrounded by people who are not as adapted to controlling the narrative. Maybe that’s their fault, and he should have known better, but the bottom line is this: if you didn’t want this to happen, you could have had a Kasich or a Rubio, but you wouldn’t have this Trump “phenomenon/revolution” in the polling booths. We elected a bunch of outsiders, so there isn’t a bug in the system, this is the system and we (and the media) just have to deal with it and get over it. And the hyperventilation on the other networks is insane. Have you seen them recently? I worry about their health.

Heres a dumb question: How come a citizen cannot engage in a practice that a reporter can? A reporter can go to a meeting and he gets some information and he becomes a whistleblower, a hero (i.e. the Pentagon Papers and Snowden). But Donald Trump Jr., who is a citizen, not involved directly in a campaign, does it and it called collusion, but when in fact if he had found something, Trump Jr. could have been our Chelsea Manning, a hero.

The issue is that some liberals can’t grasp the idea that no matter what happens, Hillary Clinton can’t win the 2016 presidential election, it is completely impossible. Even if some evidence magically appears that the Trump campaign colluded with the Russians, Ms. Clinton would not be in the White House.

So here’s the big question of the day: What’s the point in bringing up all of these collusion stories and over-analyzing and over-investigating? To get President Trump removed from office? Are these liberals really going to be satisfied with a more (from an ideology standpoint) conservative President Pence? The answer is probably not. So then, some liberals say that they don’t want Trump impeached, all they want to show is how ignorant Trump and his administration are. So here’s the rewritten big question of the day: What does showing President Trump’s “ignorance” accomplish? The only answer that I can think of is more polarized, divided nation.

On Trump and Obama Policies and Our Siberian “Friends”…

Here are some of my thoughts on the Trump and Obama agenda and Russia:

Again, we don’t know if the Trump campaign colluded with the Russians to change the outcome of the election, but what I do know that America and Russia are not buddy-buddy with each other. 

If you want to know what a pro-Russia agenda would look like, here are some elements: slash defense spending, slow down our nuclear modernization, roll back nuclear defense missiles, enter one-sided nuclear arm control agreements, and do everything that you can to stop American oil and gas production. Those were Obama’s policies for eight years, not Trump’s. Trump has proposed the exact opposite of those listed items, which would not be good for Russia.

I am not saying that Obama was colluding with the Russians or was actively trying to help out the Russians, but Trump’s policies are polar opposites of helping out Russia. Until all of these investigations are carried out and completed, you can believe whatever you want to believe in how involved the Russians were actually involved with the election; but stop spewing out the narrative that Trump and Putin are practically best friends.

Keep your eyes out for better, in-depth commentaries later this week regarding President Trump and his administration!