ATLANTA, GA–An investigative report revealed Thursday that CNN’s top anonymous sources, who have leaked several high-profile stories in recent months, are actually baristas named Betty and Ed who work at a local Atlanta coffee shop frequented by network staff.
Several CNN reporters were seen over the last several months entering the cafe to get “the best latte in town,” and also hung around with Betty or Ed to see what new information they had picked up recently on any of the week’s hot-button political issues.
“They have been revealing all kinds of shocking pieces of information to their coffee shop customers,” one reporter said Thursday as the story broke. “The talented baristas quickly became one of CNN’s most prominent sources of information as they utilized hard-hitting journalistic methods.”
Betty and Ed also reportedly have an encyclopedic knowledge of dozens of different types of coffee drinks served at the coffee shop, in addition to their juicy tidbits of information about the Trump administration.
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that Betty and Ed also managed to get several CNN contacts to sign up for a cafe rewards card during their secret meetings.
Disclaimer: The above story is satire. It is completely fictitious.